When we plan to help another person Win, does it matter whether we start with Intention or Action?

The MBA part of my brain is laughing at the question:  ”Dude — ‘Help Someone Win’ is a big enough leap for most business people.  Don’t waste time on the details.”  And the MBA brain is probably right at least most of the time.

But for those who want to dig deeper, it’s a question worth asking:

Do I start with Intention — wanting the other person to Win; then continue with Action — working for the win?  Or do I start with Action — working for the win — knowing that I’ll naturally feel the Intention after I start taking Action?

Sages and scholars can be found on either side of the argument.

The Buddha favors Intention first:

“Therein bhikkhus, right view comes first. And how does right view come first? In one of right view, right intention comes into being; in one of right intention, right speech comes into being; in one of right speech, right action comes into being; in one of right livelihood, right effort comes into being; in one of right effort, right mindfulness comes into being; in one of right mindfulness, right concentration comes into being; in one of right concentration, right knowledge comes into being; in one of right knowledge, right deliverance comes into being. Thus bhikkhus, the path of disciple in higher training possesses eight factors, the arahant possesses ten factors.”

Buddha, Mahacattarisaka Sutta, 117, Majjhima Nikaya

Scholar (and Sage)  Thomas Moore starts with Action

Writing as a psychotherapist and former Catholic Monk, Moore suggests that Intention follows from Action; and regardless, Action is the fundamental thing.  My paraphrase of his advice to couples in conflict: “If you have come to a place of antipathy and distance, begin the recovery by once again loving each other.  Not by trying to  ”feel” the love, because that’s neither easy nor useful.  Instead, do the love.  Love is a verb: take care of a task that your wife needs done.  Pay an honest compliment to your husband.  Choose your spouse’s preference before your own.  Do these things repeatedly , and the feeling of love will emerge on its own.”

After hearing these two takes my client said, “But Moore is talking about people in conflict, not new people like I’m going to meet.  And as for the Buddha and intention, I don’t know these people enough to know what to intend for them.”

“You know, ” I replied, “Don’t worry about it.  Just put “Look for [Dick or Jane]‘s Win” at the top of your meeting notes, and everything will work out fine.

I firmly believe that the unrelenting pursuit of outward success is one of today’s chief sources of unhappiness. …[P]eople driven by success are rarely satisfied, no matter how high they climb-no accomplishment gives lasting satisfaction. Whenever they reach one level of success, they imagine yet another, higher level. The income they once dreamed of now looks like a starvation salary. It comes down to this: people who equate happiness with success will never achieve enough success to be happy. They’re like Sisyphus, interminably pushing a rock up a hill. Ironically, Sisyphus’s only period of happiness was probably that short moment when the rock was rolling down-when he wasn’t pushing, when he had time for self-reflection. But self-reflection would probably have been the last thing he’d have wanted.   His conclusions would have been depressing indeed

The inner restlessness and discontent that accompany the pursuit of external success have ruined many a person. Paradoxically, happiness rests on being satisfied both with what we have and what we don’t have. That dual satisfaction is a solid foundation for a feeling of well-being. The happiest people are often those who are content with their present state, and who don’t want things they can’t get.

Manfred Kets de Vries in Sex, Money, Happiness, and Death — the Quest for Authenticity.

Kets de Vries is a professor of Leadership at INSEAD university in France.  He is a trained psychoanalyst with doctoral degrees in both economics and business.

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

William James (1842-1910)

When we say “thank you”, we feed the soul.

“In Working Ourselves to Death, Diane Fassel notes this shadow side: “Everywhere I go it seems people are killing themselves with work, busyness, rushing, caring, and rescuing… John O. Neikirk calls it ‘the pain others applaud’…. I call it the cleanest of all the addictions.  It is socially promoted because it is seemingly socially productive” (Fassel, 1990, p.2).

…To grapple with the shadow side of performance, we must somehow learn to embrace the inward complexity of our lives.  We need a vision of inward work that extends outward into community, into service that is worth doing, into productive aims that offer an opportunity for meaning and relatedness.”

– Alan Briskin, in The Stirring of Soul in the Workplace

“Work and play are the same.  When you’re following your energy and doing what you want all the time, the distinction between work and play dissolves.  Work is no longer what you have to do or play what you want to do.  When you are doing what you love, you may work harder and produce more than ever before, but it will feel like play.”

“…When we follow the light, everything is fun, creative and transformational.  We make a contribution to the world just by being ourselves in every moment…You no longer work in order to make money.  Work is no longer something you have to do in order to sustain life.  Instead, the delight that comes from expressing yourself becomes the greatest reward.  The money comes along as a natural part of being alive.”

–Shakti Gawain, Work and Play

– Robert Rosen, PhD in Just Enough Anxiety — The Hidden Driver of Business Success

I recommend this book for a skim or a deep read.  Issues addressed include self-leadership, organizational leadership, and numerous self-assessment tests to help you see whether you’re in balance or leaning too far (by Rosen’s standards) toward chaos or complacency.  I like that Rosen is a PhD psychologist who studies business leaders and runs a fair-sized organization to help corporations.  It gives him more cred than the average business writer. Available at the Durham County Library as soon as I return it this week.

The world gets better for two reasons: first, because of the business that gets done; second, because of the way it gets done.

Owners win, customers win, community wins, suppliers win, the environment wins.

Leaders of good companies are inspired by visions that are greater than themselves — visions that reflect goodness and meaning that are beyond business, but that can be created, in part, through business.

But even as strong leaders see visions beyond themselves, they also know that their place in the world is very much personal.  Their best work is aligned not only with their universal values and visions, but also with their individual strengths and preferences.  Bishop Desmond Tutu and President Nelson Mandela both work for justice, but in very different ways.

From an old Hasidic tale:

Rabbi Zusya said, “In the coming world, they will not ask me: ‘Why were you not Moses?’ They will ask me: ‘Why were you not Zusya?’”

Do you know your vision?  Do your values guide the work you do and the way you lead?  Do you work in ways that truly make you happy?  And do you bring your strengths to work, so that you can make the biggest difference with the greatest ease?  If you answer “yes” on all counts — thank you and congratulations.  We are all the better for it.  But if not, are you ready to change?  The change is both scary and exciting.  The transition is well worth it.

———

quoted in The Spirituality of Imperfection: Storytelling and the Search for Meaning, Kurtz and Ketcham

Doing the right thing allows you to stop spending money on advertising.

Dan Roach, Roach-Lamburg Roofing

Dan came highly recommended by my realtor, who only recommends the best. Nearly all his work comes from referrals. That’s much more important than repeat business for a roofer — seeing how he sells a product that lasts for decades.

Dan started his roofing company ten years ago, knocking on doors and hoping to drum up enough work to keep him in business before the money ran out. Since then, he’s built a reputation on doing quality work, staying on budget, and giving customers more than they asked for.

Knowing that contractors often require some payment up front, I offered the check (enough for the whole job) that I got from the lawyers when I closed on my new house. “No thanks,” he said. “I’d rather not get paid until you know the job is done right.” If that’s not proof that he knows what he’s doing, I don’t know what is.

“You can buy a man’s time, you can buy a man’s physical presence at a given place; you can even buy a measured number of skilled muscular motions per hour or day. But you cannot buy enthusiasm; you cannot buy initiative; you cannot buy loyalty; you cannot buy the devotion of hearts, minds and souls. You have to earn these things … It is ironic that Americans —the most advanced people technically, mechanically and industrially—should have waited until a comparatively recent period to inquire into the most promising single source of productivity: namely, the human will to work. It is hopeful, on the other hand, that the search is now under way.”

Clarence Francis — Chairman, General Foods

If you haven’t heard of Francis lately, it’s not because General Foods isn’t important. It’s because Francis spoke these words shortly after World War II. In 1952, Time Magazine ran an article on “human resources” which followed the Francis quote by saying, “In that search, at midcentury, lies the finest hope and promise of the Capitalist Revolution.”

How are that hope and promise holding out, 58 years later? While it may be the case that many people understand Francis’s idea better now than they did in 1952, we are a long way from everybody knowing it, and yet farther from everybody doing it.

See the whole Time article here: A New Art Brings a Revolution to Industry: Human Relations.

“Loose Hands Hold More Cookies”.

I got this from my high school friend Chapman Godbey, currently a Commander in the US Naval Service. He had offered (via Facebook) to a friend who is new at managing corporate staff. I suspect that Chap is an excellent leader.

For more Chap-flavored wisdom, see here for his Navy Times piece on adopting technology. I think he needs to write a book or two.