When we plan to help another person Win, does it matter whether we start with Intention or Action?

The MBA part of my brain is laughing at the question:  ”Dude — ‘Help Someone Win’ is a big enough leap for most business people.  Don’t waste time on the details.”  And the MBA brain is probably right at least most of the time.

But for those who want to dig deeper, it’s a question worth asking:

Do I start with Intention — wanting the other person to Win; then continue with Action — working for the win?  Or do I start with Action — working for the win — knowing that I’ll naturally feel the Intention after I start taking Action?

Sages and scholars can be found on either side of the argument.

The Buddha favors Intention first:

“Therein bhikkhus, right view comes first. And how does right view come first? In one of right view, right intention comes into being; in one of right intention, right speech comes into being; in one of right speech, right action comes into being; in one of right livelihood, right effort comes into being; in one of right effort, right mindfulness comes into being; in one of right mindfulness, right concentration comes into being; in one of right concentration, right knowledge comes into being; in one of right knowledge, right deliverance comes into being. Thus bhikkhus, the path of disciple in higher training possesses eight factors, the arahant possesses ten factors.”

Buddha, Mahacattarisaka Sutta, 117, Majjhima Nikaya

Scholar (and Sage)  Thomas Moore starts with Action

Writing as a psychotherapist and former Catholic Monk, Moore suggests that Intention follows from Action; and regardless, Action is the fundamental thing.  My paraphrase of his advice to couples in conflict: “If you have come to a place of antipathy and distance, begin the recovery by once again loving each other.  Not by trying to  ”feel” the love, because that’s neither easy nor useful.  Instead, do the love.  Love is a verb: take care of a task that your wife needs done.  Pay an honest compliment to your husband.  Choose your spouse’s preference before your own.  Do these things repeatedly , and the feeling of love will emerge on its own.”

After hearing these two takes my client said, “But Moore is talking about people in conflict, not new people like I’m going to meet.  And as for the Buddha and intention, I don’t know these people enough to know what to intend for them.”

“You know, ” I replied, “Don’t worry about it.  Just put “Look for [Dick or Jane]‘s Win” at the top of your meeting notes, and everything will work out fine.

She laughed as we remembered this fundamental — an idea so basic and so easily forgotten when we’re focused on our own needs.

Of course, my client understood that the  Win/Win model is enlightened self-interest: Win/Win builds goodwill and improves the odds that she’ll get good help.

But beyond — or perhaps “before” — the Win/Win, we agreed to start with a simple, single Win.  Not for herself but for the other.  This wasn’t enlightened self-interest — it was just a Good Thing.

By coincidence, I had two conversations this week about the perils of letting committees do picking that you should do on your own.  In one case, a friend relied on a “committee of friends” to choose a mentor for her, and the result was lousy.  In another case, some friends joked about one of our clan who “chooses her boyfriends by committee — she brings guys to our regular Wednesday dinner to see if they survive.”

If you’re about to embark on a long-term relationship, committees can be useful for nominating candidates and for vetting nominees but they’re lousy for picking your final choice.  That’s what it’s called your final choice.  Whenever you can, look for what you like then see what your team has to say.

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*Camels get short shrift with this joke.  For what they do, they’re much better than horses (despite the spitting).  Still, don’t look a gift camel in the mouth.

Pour accomplir de grandes choses il ne suffit pas d’agir il faut rêver; il ne suffit pas de calculer, il faut croire.

To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.

– Anatole France

from Discours de réception, Séance De L’académie Française (introductory speech at a session of the French Academy), 24th December 1896, on Ferdinand de Lesseps’ work on the Suez Canal (per WikiQuote)

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Quote courtesy of Crystal Swain.

The maxim of the British people is “Business as usual.”

- Winston Churchill, Speech, 9 November 1914

From Kevin Davis at Bull City Rising, an interesting intro to his article on what the Citi buyout of Wachovia may mean to Charlotte:

Try to imagine, if you will, how it would feel to see a news story like this one cross the wire services:

Posted at 9:19pm on July 24, 2013

RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) — The trustees of Duke University announced today a breathtaking combination with Princeton University in the latest reverberation from the higher education market collapse.

The takeover, valued at $8.7 billion (U.S.), comes on the heels of last week’s Johns Hopkins-University of Chicago merger.

The Duke-Princeton deal, like the activity in Baltimore last week, was brokered at the eleventh hour by Federal regulators at the U.S. Department of Education concerned about the financial stability of another one of the country’s most prestigious universities.

“This is an important step in restoring American’s confidence in our higher education system,” said Secretary of Education Dan Quayle.

It’s utterly impossible to picture — and no, I don’t mean the bit about Quayle being secretary of education.

For better or worse, a university town has some immunity to the economic pain that afflicts the private sector.

Remainder of article here.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?

– Satchel Paige

It may seem strange, but Paige’s quote made me think of zero-based budgeting: creating each year’s budget from scratch instead of making incremental changes to last year’s budget.  More importantly, it reminds me to ask on occasion, “Never mind what my business is today. What would I turn it into and what would I expect of it if I were starting from scratch?”

How many times do we shape our days and decisions with the assumption that it can only be an incremental change from what existed the days before?  Too often, I fear.

Oh and mine? $1,222,000. High for my age and field. Hooray for me! If you are reading this, please send me one dollar

Shout out to Barry at enrevanche.com for the link.